August, 2012

Two days off in Detroit and A lifetime Yesterday in Travel Hell

HAd so much fun in The D. Was able to do a pop in at the Comedy Caste; where it all started and then off to see Bobby and James jam at Royal Oak Brewery. I was supposed to not play, but I did 2 shows.

So looking forward to The Bag on the sixth.

I saw a horse in front of a bank, a torn up air strip, the Reefermen, strippers, Sarah Sarah Sarah at Fifth and the coolness of Steve Taylor, Matty, and Suzanne. I will always fight for and love the D.

Yesterday was tough. I was up at 5Am. Returned my rental to DTW and then I was stuck there for five hours. When I got to DC, my Memphis flight was cancelled due to daylight or some bullshit, so I had to fly to Nashville. Then Drive 3.5 hours to U TN Martin. I went on stage the second I got there, did an hour and then drove to Memphis where this AM I hopped a plane to Charlotte, then back to DC. I have another two hour drive and then a show and then back in Los Angees tomorrow. Fuck! This is so fun, but the travel is a bitch.


Anyway, here are some pics…



Day 11 – Wipe outs, Dead Bodies, Live like a suicide

I went running this morning and ate it. Like full on. Think slip and slide or wet banana, but on black concrete. Anyone that saw it was loving it. I took it like a champ and scraped the f out my knees hands and elbows. Then I walked through the city that looks exactly like every other city on earth. Fun time at Salisbury. Great school. 200 plus kids and almost all stayed. I am starting to get in the groove. Detroit tomorrow and Wednesday.

Day 10 a much needed brain rest

2 planes 210 mile driving and three cities. Not much to report today, because it’s a day off. I think it’s such a weird thing to be this army of one. I spend a lot of my time singing country music and having dance offs with myself in a car while not dancing. I am in a hotel in Salisbury, MD. You know where that is, it’s near Fruitland. You know where that is, it’s I have no fucking idea.  I feel like the Kid Rock song Picture, minus the girls and the drugs and the whiskey.  However, I am in a hotel and there is a certain picture I look at a lot and there is a specific girl that I wish would miss me. However, that ship has sailed.  Yet I still stand by the dock hoping that it will reappear and hug me, but it’s just oceans of yesterdays.  Sigh…

I will settle for watching Friends and staying up as late as I can so that I can sleep in, work out, do the show and then slip into the D undetected for some downtime and a show or two at Ridleys, but then I am back running to TN and Maryland again.

Good news though, this hard work has paid off so far, I move into my new place in LA on the first. NO MORE FLOORS and COUCHES. Yay!

10 days down 80 plus to go.

Day 9 Strippers Tickets Killer shows

Yesterday. No planes, so it was already a good start. I was pulled over in Indiana for doing 90 in a 70, not cool I guess, but as all randomness would have it, the cops child, followed me on twitter and he saw me on AGT so I was issued a warning.

Cop: James C as in J Chris?

Me: Yes

Cop: You’re hilarious. Slow the fuck down. My son told me I couldn’t give you a ticket. So Here’s a warning.

Me: Awesome!

Then I got to Wright State in Dayton where my check was made out to my agent and not me. Awesome (Sarcasm)

The show was a blast and afterwards I hung out with some students and we went to a hip hop bar and then a strip club named Cheeks. The cool thing about strip clubs is that the girls pay attention to you, but then again so do fruit flies, and they are equally as disturbing. That said, if only fruit flies had tits… sigh.


Anyway, I’m up. I’m up… Here I come Maryland.

Bad Idea – Day 8 Illinois-ing

Sorry I didn’t write last night. I’ll do 2 today.  I finally got to sleep in. Thank goodness, but it’s back to work today. 4 Hours to Wright State University, which I believe is near Dayton, OH.


I am so glad that I got rest I was starting to go fricking nuts. Being out on the road when I was Dane, Al, and Gleib was so fun, because there was always someone to talk to… Oh and we played arena’s because DC is the man.  Out here, it’s just you alone with your thoughts and an endless sea of very young new strangers.

When I was younger, I thought touring would find me sex, romance, excitement, creativity and insanity. Turns out, on occasion, it has provided all of that, but this time, it’s work and work with a little more work. I loving what you do is important, but it also helps to be fearless and crazy as fuck. Younger comics ask me for advice almost daily. I have no idea. I say the same thing: Write constantly.

I mean that, but I keep forgetting to add, no pain.

“Wheels go round and round… you’re on my mind.” – Steve Perry

“And by you, I mean… everything always..” @thechrisarmy


Oh fuck! I have to leave. It’s like 11 something!


Bad Idea Day 7 Food Poison and a 7 hr delay

I woke up at 430 AM for my 6 AM Flight that didn’t leave until 1210 PM – The I got to Arizona and waited 2 more hours and finally got to New Mexico where I waited 45 minutes before I got my Rental car and drove an hour to the gig. The gig was fine, but I ate something in AZ that didn’t agree with me so I barfed 12 times. (Twice on stage) It was rough.

Regardless I got it done. I checked my am flight schedule in hopes to sleep in. Nope. Up at 330AM to drive an hour and then fly to Indianapolis.  Be careful what you wish for.

Bad Idea Tour Day 6 Kinda Like a day off…. Not really

Today I was up at 440 Am and left Florida to Atlanta and then on to LA where I drove ASAP to a recording studio in West Hollywood to record a voice over for a Shell commercial.  Long fricking day. Got middle seated. Boo. Then was able to sleep for a few hours at Miss Casey’s place. She is still in Boston. I won’t see her til September. Sigh. This is her:  This is the middle seat and this is me rocking work. Night off, back at it again tomorrow. 8:00 am flight to New Mexico

Day Five Bad Idea 12 stolen Shirts and gooey Ice Cream

Today was 2 airplanes and a car. Florida was an added fun because I got to hang out with Cristela Alonzo @cristela9  – She is my homey. We both killed and had humid fun, then much rain. Oh, and dessert! I have to say shame on you 12 people that stole my t shirts, but kinda cool that you wanted them that bad – Appreciate it. Tomorrow is a show day off, but still working because I have to fly back to LA to record a commercial for Shell Oil. Hope they pay me in gas.


Dirty Jokes In Arkansas. Bad Idea Day 4 – Fun!

Today was kinda mellow considering I am still shot out of a cannon daily on this tour. Comedian Brad Ellis and I drove about 9 hours and performed at University of Arkansas – Fort Smith. I was told that I had to do a clean show, so I kinda did for a little bit, but then I gave up and did my thing.  Tomorrow is FT Myers, Florida and more adventures, but not until I sleep on the plane for at least 4 hours.  Below is a little piece of tonight’s show.

Bad Idea Day 3 – Grass hopper Dot Com

Yesterday was a ball. I performed at Stanford’s and did a guest spot and got to meet Kevin Brown AKA DotCom from my favorite show 30 Rock. Afterwords, I went to a bar in downtown to jam with my pal grasshopper. We did about 5 songs and then it was off to Brad’s for rest because today I have an 8 hour drive to and from University of Arkansas and then I will be in Florida tomorrow AM. Love this journey.