September, 2012

Review from the Road

Music and laughter rang throughout the room on Thursday night as guitar-holding comedian J. Chris Newbergperformed at the SAC 9:09 Comedy Series in Watkins Auditorium.

A Birmingham, Michigan, resident, Newberg was the first comedian in this year’s line-up of the comedy series.

Although Newberg was late due to a flight delay, he came in with a punch.  The jokes he dished out produced side-splitting and hunched-over-and-can’t-breathe kind of laughter that livened up the auditorium.

“He had a dry sense of humor, but he was witty with it,” said junior International Business major Kayla Thomas.

Newberg’s style of comedy is targeted toward adults with his category of jokes, as he called out, being a blend of clean, dirty, smart, controversial and witty. His style was unique, unexpected and modern with jokes like, “It is safe to say that Rosa Parks was undefeated at musical chairs.”

“I liked him; he was funny,” said senior French major Ethan Hoffman.

Newberg has been featured on season six of America’s Got Talent, Comedy Central, The Tonight Show, Last Comic Standing and Jimmy Kimmel Live. He has toured with stand-up comedian and film actor Dane Cook. Many known comedians have even used his original jokes like Late Night with David Letterman, Chelsea Lately and The Conan O’Brien Show.

Newberg is getting more and more recognition with his Twitter page, T-shirts, CDs, and Facebook. He is currently developing a show for NBC with “Deal or No Deal’s” Howie Mandel.


Carolina, Had some disturbingly hot girls. Too bad, I had zero time to do anything other than window shop. Who are we kidding, I know that I joke and talk about sex constantly, but the last fucking thing I wanna do is get the herp from some townie. Sorry, Old guy kicking in.

Side note: I need to get laid.

Sider Note: Not by some townie…

And so it is. John Campanelli was out with me last week and he helped with driving and cold opens and did a great job. We joked, we laughed and did a lot of nothing other than late night driving, day sleeping, talking and connecting with strangers. Last night after the show in NC, we drove 577 miles to New Jersey.  I flew to Maryland where I am now… Waiting to go back to Michigan. Lansing tonight and Tomorrow and Saturday with a college show at Albion. Because I love you, I can tell you.. I need to shower. I need to do laundry. It’s gross.

Siderer note. I hate kids. Stop fucking looking at me. I am writing my blog that 3 of you will read.

Okay one hour and fifty minutes to kill before I fly again. I also stole a pillow from the Holiday Inn in somewhere. I also need to feel.  I am tired. I am not complaining, just sharing.

Be careful what you wish for. I have come to learn that in this entertainment business, no one cool gives a fuck about you because they are worried about maintaining their own blessing and streak of luck. So, do what I did, bring it to the people.

Like the movie, Red Dawn. They were small, but mighty and hey who knew Charlie Sheen would end up having more money than the Russians? I’ll tell you who, Charlie did. Hope is for suckers. Make your own way. And watch some get out of it and hopefully, many hop on.


I want love. I will find it. I want the world. I will have it. I want The Kid Rock song Picture minus all the bullshit. I simply want a good girl to miss me.  Thought I had it. Didn’t- Oh well, Onward and upward


I want a cookie.  BUT NOT FROM A TOWNIE!!!  What is wrong with you people?!



In My Mind I’m Going To Carolina

As luck would have it, I rocked out Virginia, Elon NC and Then Virginia and was lucky enough to get a day off. My opener John and I decided to spend it in Charleston, SC. This my friends, is one of the prettiest places on earth. Not because of all the water, but because of the women. Holy Frogs does that town have some pretty faces.  We watched the Lions get slammed by the 9ers and then trolled the town that smelled like horse poop and then got in around 5 am. Was delightful.

We drove to Savannah today and tonight is Sold out I guess. Cool. I am so tired. I have been out for roughly 31 days and zi am feeling it. I am tired as fuck, but blessed to be tired as fuck. I am also starting to figure out how write while tired. I think this is great practice for when I get a writing gig. I do love the road though. Everything about it. The sights, the smells, the strangers, the peanut m&m’s, that feeling of wanting to go home, followed by the sudden realization that this has everything in my life right now that is important to me: My guitar, the road, the fans and me talking to strangers for 70 minutes a night hoping to maybe gather 30 new followers and sell a cd or two.  I am home.

Speak soon kidlets.  Oh and instagram your water. It’s funny.

No Excuses. Do the work

When we last left our hero I think I was in Detroit. Well, I played at The MAgic Bag and then did a home show or two for some kind yet occasionally snarky Ad execs. Then I flew to BWI and then to Newark where I picked up an opener, my friend John Campanelli.

We drove a bunch. Shocker. We did shows. Shocker. The first night was in New Jersey and then after we swung by Atlantic City. Never been. Probably never go again. It as plain and simply, white trash craziness. That is all I will say. Okay, I’ll say more.  I now get why The Jersey Shore was huge. Those types of people are very real. Funny.

Yesterday we drove to Virginia where I did a show at The university of Mary Washington.  Weird show. Was in a cafeteria, and all girls.  To girls on FB and twitter, I’m adorable. To 18 year old college kids in person, I am old and creepy. Love it. Welcome to life kidlets.

My friend Adam lives in Fredricksburg, so he took us to a porch party. It was cool seeing him etc, but I was beat. I split. John stayed and tried to bang a BWW waitress. I was in bed and slept early. I win.  This has been the first road trip I have been on where I am all about the work.  It’s hard not to be.  Tough schedule.  I love all of you, except 23 of you.

I’ll write tonight.

Bad Idea Tour Detroit, Illinois, Rape and Scary Strip Club

Texas was the Hottest place ever. Well, not all of Texas, just Houston. The show was fine, despite the fact that they made an interesting poster of me (it was well done) having me look like a Mariachi Jesus. Again, whomever did it, did a fine job, but I was like, “Wow, did I ever really look like that?” Ha!  Banged out the show, even though my opening act, “Free Food,” was tough to compete with.

Hit the road and got to Detroit. I played the Magic Bag and was lucky enough to have jammed with Mark Teich, an incredible singer that sang on my last CD and Graham Cousens, a former bad member. It was an honor to share the stage with them both. Both masters at their craft.

Afterwards, went to Fifth Ave in Royal Oak, my favorite local hang and convinced my close pal Matty to come help me drive for the next few days.

Last night was Galesburg Illinois and Knox college. I played in a church. Yep. A church. My opening act was a seminar on mixed signals or how to not get raped. “Ladies and Gentleman, don’t get raped. And now… comedy.”   Strangely enough, I got a standing ovation from the kids. I am guessing that it was partially because I was funny, but mostly because I didn’t rape them. Rape isn’t funny. As an opening act, it bombed.

After the show, Matty and I hit a dive called Duffy’s where there was a 45 year class reunion (Total hotties) and a man that wouldn’t stop talking to us about why his life sucked and how to end up at 36 as an assistant manager at Jimmy Johns with a bitch ex wife and a 12 year son. It was delightful.

We drove by a strip club and stopped, but since there was only one car in the lot and a 3 dollar cover, we tapped out. Big day today. A lot of driving. 4 hours to Chicago to play a day party and then 4 to somewhere in Wisconsin to play a night one.  I’m tired, but I don’t live on a couch, and I fucking love this.  Be good ninja’s ttys


September 5th -So much

The tour rages on. When we last left our hero, I was on my way to Tennessee.  Since then, I did, TN, Maryland, where I got to see my High School Prom date and then it was to LA where I was going to get into my new place and not be homeless any longer. I was also supposed to take three days off. I got into my new place, but hadn’t switched the electricity over, FUCK ME, so I was the king of candles for three days.  I also, played at The Laugh Factory Sat, Comedy and Magic Club on Sun and The Parlor on Monday.

So, in short, more travel and no days off.

Last night was the first night of shows every night until the 22nd. I did San Marco’s last night (Texas State) and I am gonna blog this, send in a Voice over audition and then drive to Houston.

Excited for tomorrow, but a little nervous. Playing my favorite club in Ferndale, MI (Magic Bag) but ticket sales are weak. I might only play in front of 12 people.  Ha!  The road of the comedy hero. It’s hard to be loved in your home town and until you really have made it.

Here are some pics from the last few days. I won’t go this long without writing again, but remember no electricity or internet… so I get a mulligan.